The events of the past month have been monumental and will mark a turning point in the history of the free world; we have crossed the rubicon toward a new society rife with distrust and propaganda. I am referring not to the exit of United Kingdom from the European Union nor to the inevitable acquittal … Continue reading Baby Nut cannot be the reincarnation of Mr. Peanut.

Hot dog buns come in packages of six, while hot dogs themselves come in packages of eight. We have already addressed this problem as they pertain to hot dogs. Despite that exceedingly well-written letter on such a pressing issue, Representative Scott Peters only replied with a cookie-cutter reply about how much he cares about local … Continue reading There is neither too much nor too little toothpaste in each tube.

You don't truly know what you've have until it's gone. The sink in my apartment's bathroom was installed incorrectly and the right faucet handle controls hot water, while the left one controls cold water. It's a disorienting experience to say the least. So often I bury the lede and go on tangents, inflating the scale … Continue reading Why is the left faucet handle always for hot water? (Part 1)

In our society, the automatic door represents both a barrier and a passageway, metaphorically and physically. We encounter them every day, whether running errands grocery store to buying food at a supermarket; the automatic door truly pervades all aspects of our modern life. Important topics deserve the attention of our most important minds, so it … Continue reading How fast should automatic doors open?

Eggs come in different sizes. In this way and many others, eggs are similar to pants. Eggs not only come in different sizes but in different quantities as well. Anyone can walk into a grocery store and come out with a six large eggs, or maybe a twenty-four medium eggs, or possibly a dozen small … Continue reading What is the best size of eggs?

Skipping rocks is a uniquely human activity. There is no evidence any other animal engages in such an activity, though, admittedly, I have not done research into whether or not other they do. However, it seems to be the case, at least intuitively. We may even consider skipping rocks, alongside with language, society, and all … Continue reading Are we skipping too many rocks?

Dear Representative Peters, I am writing as one of your constituents to discuss a matter that affects me, my community, and the citizens of the United States of America as a whole. It is a matter that concerns the cornerstone of American culture. It is, many would consider, one of our greatest accomplishments, rivaling our … Continue reading An Open Letter to my Congressman

Elevators have buttons. This is a commonly-known fact. They have many buttons; in fact, buttons are probably the primary feature of an elevator, outside of its vertical movement and passenger-carrying features. There are buttons on both the inside and the outside of an elevator -- a feature exclusive to elevators. No other machines have both … Continue reading Elevator open and close buttons are confusing.

It's no secret that robots are bad. To prevent the elimination of human existence, it is important that we destroy the robots before they destroy us. It's only common sense. Whatever benefits robots may provide are not worth the risk of the destruction of the human race. They are evil and must be destroyed. Before … Continue reading For the Dismantling of Robots

Once a modern miracle of engineering and innovation, streetlights now crowd every street in every town across the United States. Streetlights, for better or for worse, are now ubiquitous from sea to shining sea. These glowing electrical marvels are suspended tens of feet above the ground and cast light on the streets and sidewalks around … Continue reading On Streetlights